I have been a mother for more years than I care to count, but I was never The Mother until today.
What do I mean by that? Well, let me take you on a little journey and I’ll explain.
Many years ago, while meditating, I felt my heart centre open; it was a very physical experience, and as I felt a soft click in my chest, the powerful image arose of an eye opening wide. It was a transformative moment, totally unexpected, and it was to have far-reaching consequences. This opening, this expansion, led to my becoming a funeral celebrant and therapist, and deepened my work as a spiritual mentor. But it was just another small step in the long journey we all must take, to grow in compassion and consciousness.
And yet, in common with so many of us, I carried the weight of a sense of failure, of never somehow measuring up as the mother I wanted to be. I lamented my many mistakes, most born of terrible wounding and immaturity, and could not find peace. Compassion was healing many wounds, but this one remained stubborn. Over the past few weeks it has been pervasive, and I understood that this issue was presenting itself for resolution. It needed patience and gentleness to hold it in my heart and listen to its pain.
This morning, as I meditated in the pre-dawn darkness, words flashed before my closed eyes and I felt their resonance in my heart.
“I am The Mother now”
My heart was filled with peace and joy and I sat with the sensation, wondering.
Later, I thought about the experience. What did it mean? This answer offered itself.
I have always believed that the energy underpinning all of life, indeed, sustaining it in its very existence, is Love – and that Love manifests in many ways, depending on the need of the moment. When we open our heart to it, it tends and cleanses the wounds we offer for healing. This is not something we can do by effort of will, it simply happens. Only empty hands can receive.
I came to believe that what I experienced was a type of epiphany, an opening to the Archetypal Mother manifestation of this Love. I am not The Mother in any grandiose sense, but The Mother has opened in my heart and healed my feelings of maternal guilt.
This experience brings with it a feeling overwhelming gratitude and relief, and I tell you this story to encourage you. When we persevere with our practice, no matter how sterile it might sometimes feel, how empty, how resistant to growth, by simply allowing Love to flow, in the words of Mother Julian of Norwich, “all manner of things shall be well.”